Wednesday 15 June 2011

THE DAY I STARTED TO UNDERSTAND YOU MORE MY JEEVAN...=)

After so many things happened...listen to him...listen everything that he wanted to tell me....finally he told me how he really felt...i was very glad when he said all those things to me....at last i do knew how he felt...and the worst was he cried..that was very hard for me to take it....After he spoke out, now i do know how selfish and stupid i was...i never thought i hurt him that much....i know between me and you, you are still crying...i promise you things will get better....i promise you...i will be better...and i will change in a good way...i will  try my level best to give the mature love that you wanted....=) Now i realise that after you tell out your stuff, i do understand you more...seriously no joke....Do you know from last time till now..when ever you talk start to talk something serious...it always makes me think alot...and makes me understand more about life...that's what i really like about you from those days..till now...=)Yesterday...15/06/2011..after you spoke to me... you gave a confident in life...and to face the problems between us...and im thinking how to solve it...dont worry i wont get emo very fast...pls dei trust me this ah dei...i know i was quite and listining to you what you were talking and i know you get bored with it and the word of 'sorry'...i will change that damn things in me...i dunno why sometimes i cant talk infornt of you....mayb you too handsome dei....hehe...okok...no joke..and i will change that damn thing in me also...i know we are human...i did  mistekes in my life before and i do learn from it also, so do you...i know you have missed alot of things in your life...hmmm so do i...sometimes i do wish i can change somethings in my life...hmm..Okey last words...i will change...i will increase my maturity in thinking...i will understand you more...i will speak out more...i will fight till the end..i will never give up...i will never leave you in my life...i will NEVER....i will love you more and more n more sayang....i have faith and trust in me,you and our love...=)Love you always....My Jeevan....<3

Tuesday 7 June 2011

MY TRUE FEELINGS.......

Hmmm before this my blog is in malay now im writing in english...hmm dunno why just for change maybe....hmmm this few weeks was not a really good week for me...kinda tense up...Things between me and him not good...after sometimes...its getting better...but i do felt the difference in him....like the way he treat me..is not the same at all...i din take it too serious coz i thought because he busy....but he ignored me alot...as though im not really exist....now thats hurt me deeply...but i din really bother about that too..coz i really thought he very busy...Saturday...28/05/2011....everything was going fine...kinda like we being normal back...i was happy...until he told me that he has something to tell me on Monday...and...it might break my heart...After i heard that from him...i knew what he gonna tell...i prayed to the GOD...''GOD if the thing he goona tell will break my heart into pieces...pls give me strength to face it dont make me weak..dont make me cry infront of him...coz i know he cant take it...''...The whole day back to normal...i din showed any emotions feeling to him...when Sunday arrived...i was very scared...hmmm...i still praying so hard to the god...everything was still smooth...even there are some argument's...Monday cames...i was so not control actually...but later i calm down...after my class..i went temple which near to my college with him...we were praying...when i was praying to LORD MURUGA...a drop of tear came out... hmmm..after that, we went to a playground, and sitting on the bench.We were talking adn having a good time for starting...later i  asked him to tell the stuff that he wanted to tell...so ..here the emotional part begins...hmmm..he said he wanna stop love between me n him!,,,i was like OMG.....i seriously sad...hurt..and really got no any comment to tell...its like a slap on my face..and an axe cut my heart...i really wish i was a statue for that particular moment =( He said i have to take this decision..i got no choice..hmm...he want her to be alright..want her to have a good future..hmm and he need time...That moment..i cried..i try my best not to cry infront him..but i cant take it anymore...i just cried...alot...hmmm...He wiped my tear off...hmmm...it just so hard for me....i wished i was deaf  for that time also....it just too hard...After everything done, i went to class..like normal..later went to library..with my friends...After awhile, he said he wanna meet me at  outside of library..i went out...and he was there..i dunno what to talk..he asked me you got nothing to tell?..Why you don't want to fight for yourself ?i said  i got nothing to tell..you already took the decison..so no matter how much i fight for myself i still will not archive anything...hmm...I told him that you hurt me terribly deep....huhu...=( He asked when he hurted me...i answered him...First..you ignore me...Second..im not your first priority....Third...what happened today...hmm i told him i dont know you do realise that you are hurting me or not...he said yes i do ...i was like..WHAT!..ok i gave that big reaction because..before this i asked him ..do you feel the way you treat me changed..he told ..no ah...normal only what...and now he telling he realise..it mean he really did that...another hurt...hmm=(..actually there are other other things he did hurt me abit...that is...when ever we meet and talk...or in msg...for sure you will talk about her...hmmm...i also try not to think bout it..but sometimes..where ever you go always with her...i wonder why...?Sometimes i felt im nothing for you...hmmm...Any girl will never want to hear..the guy that she loved the most talking bout other girl..If she has no feelings to him...i wont be bother much...but now its other way around.. .hmm but im taking it easy...trying my best to do so...coz i know both of you are best friend...im just a new person enter in your life recently...This things was very long already...now i already get used with it...hmmm...After he said that he wanna stop the love..temporary..its like...after break up...and suffering for more than 6 months....he enter into my life...he make a believe..trust...and keep faith..in love again...but now...he taking it back away...Do you know how it feel?...I trust you so much but at the end you crushed the trust that i keep on you...i feel like wanna take a rope and hang myself...Every girl are emotion..but im the girl will emo..and i will get stronger...just i also need time...Hmmm..the decison that he took...he told her first...its not the matter he told who first...but in this decision...the biggest lost is me...i din get anything except Hurt...Oh ya...he do asked me one thing...why i din treat him like how i treat others.....Ok if i do treat you the same as how i treat others..it mean you same with others and i have no any love feelings towards you...Sayang...i do understand you i din blame you for the decision you make...you want it...its ok..go ahead with it...pls come back as you said...to me...dont make me fall off again...I dont dare to look at you because i scared i will cry..but i dont dare to forget you because you are in my heart and my every single breath....=)..LOVES YOU MSH!....