Sunday, 9 December 2012

My sayang birthday! :)

OMG! IS 10th DEC 2012...My one and only jeevan's birthday!His 21st Birthday!Just feel so nice is his birthday. Actually planned alot for him one year ahead, but never thought future will be in this situation.Well, guess all have its own reason. Waiting is the best for now. =) Hmm, Thursday i went to the art exhibition, when i steo into the place i was having a very strong feeling that he might be coming here as well. I did not really put it in my mind but later he came in. Do not know how to express the feeling when i see him again after so long and we said hai to each other, the feel of looking at him like the first time. Speechless as well. Is a great feeling.Would not know how does he feel. When someone care for you, te feel of it just so nice, sometimes even felt too touched and teared. Hmmm.Well, of course i wish so much to be with you on your birthday, not long.Perhaps few minutes will be a golden time for me.Guess i cant do so, i know where i stand. Hmmm, really want so much to wish in the phone at least, guess im that unlucky cant even do so as well. Guess he dont wish to hear my voice. I miss him! Really wish him he will have a great and wonderful 21 birthday!When i was using my phone,there was a reminder pop up.I looked at it, it stated'' My Hubby Birthday :') '' I was staring at it for long, but later i just close the screen.Was pain internally,but is okay.Able to bear it. I looked at his picture and wished him..All is well! =) Is not i dont want to wish him now, is just i dont wish if i mistakenly make his day out,since i always ask some stupid question, i will feel guilty.So i choose to wish him before his birthday end. =) As long my wish send to him, nothing will be happier than that. Bought him a gift long time ago,before we break. Since i have money and there were good sale goin on, so i bought it.Wonder is the size will fit him now?== Hope he able to fit in. God, please dun make him angry with me coz i get him a gift.I know he dont like gift, but i cnt dont give him anything.Plus he mean much to me.Hmmm.Sorry! Please dont angry and take it pls.! Felt a little uneasy when i always wish him at 12 am,but this year i din do so.Hmmm.Even during school days i will curi-curi call him at 12 and wish him happy birthday.Nice memories. =) Time does change everything. Really praying hard time will make us together back.Finger cross.But dun dare to have high hope, i wont be able to take heart break again. Amen! Guess is wishes time! Dont want to talk to anything more..NO TEARS TODAY!!!
Dear sayang jeevan,
Happy 21st Birthday to you! Hope you will have a great day and blast with family and friends!
Sorry for cant be with you on this day even i want to be there so deeply.! One day i wish i will be there for you till the end.! God bless you always in every single thing. Stay healthy always! Good luck and all the best! Have a good year ahead! :D Love you always,sorry. The more days gone,the more i love you.Sorry, Dun worry, i will keep my distance! =) Happy Birthday! :D <3

Monday, 3 December 2012

I 'll love you for thousand more! I love you much MSH! I'm sorry!

Well, i guess is my time to stop and remain my distance as how i was with him. Now again i back to kind sort off, attach with him  back.Only me. Hmmm, don't wish to trouble him in any way. I just wonder, how come my love towards him is so so so strong and deep, even i sometimes he don't really give a good respond. Dunno is he or i'm the one thinking too much. Soory. Too many things i wish to apologize to him... I have moved on, mayb not into another guy or find another partner. Where i am now, it was a very hard journeyto me to able stand and be in the position where i am now. All the tears i shedded never been dry till now, and i wonder as well. Hmmm, dunno what else to do to able to see your face and touch you....I miss you. Never want to bring presure to him nor want make him feel suffer, not at all. All i want is him to be happy. Every single second, his name will be mentioning in my heart and mind, not i purporsely did just tend to happen in that way.No one wants the love to be fail, so am i. All i want a last chance, maybe not now i guess. I cant go through another heartbreak if it does not turn out well. I want him to finish his studies first and archive what he want in his life. I willing to wait, but i need an answer from him. What ever that happened on the day where we break up, it was not really an end, even he felt everything has come to an end, wonder why i don't or can't feel so. Maybe when i say this to him, he might feels that i just need more time and so on. Fact, he knows he well where i will be waiting. I dunno why i decided to wait, not to prove my true love or what so. I feeling of waiting him is strong, and i decided to do so. I knw you willing to do anything to break my decision and also not to making me wait.Sorry.What ever decision i took, i dont regret with it. Hmmm, maybe it just sound no sense at all. Well, lets see. I dont have a big hope or what so, i just have faith. I will be waiting. All i want you ti be happy always, if the happiness is not from me, im sorry. Please give me and you and this love for a last chance. Not now, perhaps later in life. Hmmm.Your birthday is coming very soon! As always i wished to celebrate or spend some time with you, i know is not gonna happen. No problem with that. This is your 21st Birthday! I believe you will have a great time with your lovely friends! :) There are so many things happened before you and me, but all was not my intention. Remember, you did ask me at once ''why you don't say hi or talk to me n say a word of hi to my friends?'' My answer is God promise, i don't do that in prupose. When i see you around college, you will be with your best friend. Where you told me before, she dislike me. So in that type of situation, how am i suppose to go in front of you and talk or say a word hi to other friends, when she dislike me.All the decision you took, i supported you and i be patient with it. I don't wish to hurt her as well. That;s why i don't talk to you when i see you around. I dont wish anything quarrel happen between you both, even you told you kinda used with it. Well, i dont wish to hurt anyone! Hmm, i know i had hurt you deeply as well. Everything happened was so fast,but when i was with you.That was the best time, thats where i learnt what is love where i really felt it so deeply.I don't have the heart to treat you as stranger in my life. If you leave this college, without telling me a word or meet me. Is okay.I have no rights, but i really afraid i will be in a deep shit situation back in my life. Hope i dont. :) All is well. Sorry for still loving you so deeply but i don't wish to make you feel annoyed with this and also telling you how much i missed you. Which i did last nite, so sorry! Okay, cant write more for now, thats it. <3 you for thousand more.! When i say love you, i do mean it. If the happiness is not with, let m know when you found your happiness. I will pray for you. :)  Of course i wish and hope is me, but destiny and God decides all at the end. Amen! Take care my love. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS, WHICH IS GRWOING DEEPLY WITHOUT MY INTENTION! LOVE YOU MSH! Everyone meets fail, but they will learn and come up again. I promise i wont fail another time and your make you fail.! I will shout to you one day,'' Idiot, i love you,i will pull you out!'' Make me do day. I will wait 4 you. Amen. :)